The Joys Of Not Having It All

I AM STILL HERE BUT...

2010-12-19T13:15:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone,

I know it's been a long time since i've written a post and i want to apologize for that. But going back to my old posts i realize how negative, how whiny, how pessimistic i sounded.

So i made a decision. I decided to stop everything, at least for now. I am going to wait. I am going to wait until i have something positive, something cheerful, an achievement i can be proud of to post again.

2011 is coming. I am telling you people, i am sick of being afraid, sick of being sick, sick of always wondering why the others and not me? And quite frankly i am tired of working for others.
I know i have to do something. Something for me, something that will make me happy. The beginnings won't be easy but it will be my thing and i will be proud of it.

So if i don't post anything before the year ends, i wish you all A MERRY CHRISTMAS and A HAPPY NEW YEAR!
And i hope to see you again here my fellow bloggers :)

xoxo
Madeleine

I Don't Know...

2010-06-05T14:49:00.000-07:00

I have been in Ibiza for two and half weeks and although i wasn't expecting things to be easy i thought with the three languages under my belt (ok two languages and a half, Spanish not there yet) i will have a job by now. But so far nothing had happened. All i've been hearing is no one is hiring before mid-June (and that is not even guaranteed).

I don't know maybe i am being a little impatient. I know it's a little too early to give up after all summer hasn't officially started yet but with money going out and nothing coming in, i am starting to worried, and to be honest i am not too keen on the flatmates i have right now, they remind me exactly why i never wanted to live with men in first place.

I am crossing my fingers to find a job soon. I also remind myself that being here is supposed to be a vacation for me, (remember i hadn't had one in a long time), but it hard to enjoy a vacation when you don't have money.
Anyway i am already thinking of a plan B, but that will be for another post.

Take care people.

xoxo
Madeleine

I know, I know...it's been a long time!

2010-05-20T15:20:00.001-07:00

I just wanted to apologize to all of you. I haven't posted anything for quite a long time now and i am really sorry about that. There are few things i needed to sort out and quite frankly updating my blog was the last thing in mind.

So what did i do then? First i moved out of my friend Lucy's house actually i also decided to leave London altogether. I have been living in London for a year and a half and for those who follow my blog they know exactly how i felt about being in London. I couldn't do it anymore so i decided to leave.

Second i needed a vacation and time for myself. For the past three year i have been taking care of others. I had enough of doing it. Taking care of other people's life, children, dramas. I JUST HAD ENOUGH! I was getting physically and mentally ill. So i decided to leave.

Third, like i said i wanted time for me. I wanted few months or maybe a year or years who knows just for ME, MYSELF AND I! I know it sounds selfish, but that's what i wanted. So i decided to leave.

So i left. I packed my stuff, left London and and landed in Ibiza. Yes that's Ibiza. Why Ibiza? Well i needed the SUN, the HEAT and PARTY LIKE IT IS 1999 or something like that!

I will try to be here more often, and keep you posted on my daily Ibiza activities.

xoxo
Madeleine

2010-01-01T07:32:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year! I wish you all the best and hope this new year will be filled with good health, happiness and success.

xoxo
Madeleine

2009-12-25T14:12:00.000-08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

JOYEUX NOEL A TOUS.

Love
Madeleine

30

2009-12-08T06:28:00.000-08:00

Today is my 30th birthday. I must say that until now i was quite afraid of turning 30. It sounds old and i feared feeling old. 30 seems to be a big deal in a woman's life. But what are you supposed to be when you reach that age? Why is it so important?

Is it because you are supposed to be married, have a child (or 2, a boy and a girl of course), a house, a car, a dog by 30? Is it because if you haven't got any of those there is something wrong with you. Who exactly decides what you are supposed to be or to have by 30.

No one, no one but yourself. So this is what i have decided. Months ago i was watching a little tv television show called the X FACTOR, there came a lady named Susan Boyle. Now when she first came out and said she wanted to be a singer people laughed at her but the moment she opened her mouth, she stunned them all. What i like about Susan Boyle story is not the fact that she can sing or the fact that she became so popular (i know haters think that the only reason she is popular is because people feel sorry for her or because of Simon Cowell's pr machine), but i think the reason Susan is popular is because like a lot of us she had a dream, and she finally had the courage to stand up and do it. No more excuses. And it paid off. The haters are just hating because she living her dream .

See that what i want, i want to be living my life, my dream. I was searching in my twenties, i am not sure i found all the answers but i know i found some. I know where i want to live, i know what i want to do and few other things, now it's just a matter of making it happened, and just like Susan, i think it's time to take that bull by the horns. I am sick and tired being on the background, i want to be in front.

I am exercising more. Starting yoga again (fine i have only been to one class) but i am going back. Apparently when you reach 30 your metabolism slows down, so exercising and eating better is mandatory.
I am also reading more or at least i am trying, i heard reading stimulate your brain, so i am adding more books to my fashion magazines and gossip websites although i must say that Nineteen Eighty Four by George Orwell kind of scared the hell out of me (but that's another subject) so i gave it up for Eat, Pray, Love. Good book.

I am also writing a petition to God just like Elizabeth Gilbert (the author of Eat, Pray, Love does in the book). I have all those things i want to do and i need his or her help. I know i am just a tiny dot in this universe, but i am part of this universe too, and i need help. I am not asking for anything on a silver platter, no, i am capable of working, i am just asking for strength, courage and patience. I am seriously going to need all three and more.

I AM 30!

PS: i would appreciate if you sign my petition to God.

xoxo
Loma. Oh and my name is Madeleine!

ROBBED

2009-11-23T15:17:00.000-08:00

I know that since i started this blog i have not given you any good news. Well i am afraid i won't be given you any anytime soon. See people i have been robbed. ROBBED!

Now let me explain. I have been having problem with my bank (not really the bank in general, more like my branch), so last week i just had enough of their bad customer service, went in and closed my bank. I took out the thousand Pounds i have saved so far to work with me, hoping to open another bank account the same day. Unfortunately i wasn't able to do so (credit check or some shit like that , stopped from having a bank account the day), anyway i took the money back to work with me, put the money in an envelop, put the envelop in my purse, put my purse in my locker and locked my locker.

When i finished work, went back in the locker room to change, found my locker opened and guess what? THE MONEY WAS GONE!
Three months of working fifty hours a week, working like a dog. GONE. Now i know what some people are going to say "you probably left your locker opened", NO I DIDN'T! Not with the money i have worked so hard in it.

Someone forced my locker went in my purse, took the money (oh and yes the thirty pounds i had in my wallet as well), and left me with nothing (no, actually i am lying, i was left with three pounds).

So i cried, i cried like a baby. My co-workers called the police because apparently it wasn't the first time something like this happened at work. And as usual my managers were useless. All i heard from my superiors was "sorry but there is nothing we can do".

There is nothing they can do, but i can. I have to go see the police tomorrow, they want fingerprints from my wallet (they already took some from my locker) but i feel like they have better chances with my wallet, since they are only two people who touched my wallet: Me and the person who stole from me. I am gonna keep pushing the police, i may not get my money back but i wanna scared the living shit out the person who stole from me.

Surprisingly, i wasn't that upset or bitter, i mean yeah i did cry, but that was pretty much it. Working has never been a problem, but i know one thing; KARMA IS A BITCH, it will come back and bite you in the ass whoever you are. Yes you, WHO STOLE FROM ME.

I worked hard before, i know i can do it again.

xoxo
Loma

SHE WORKS HARD FOR THE MONEY...SO HARD FOR IT HONEY

2009-11-09T15:39:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to take time and apologize to all of you for the long silence. I have been working hard, really hard. Apparently people do not stay long in the restaurant business. There is always someone leaving every week, and for those of us who stay that means a lot of work.
To make matters worse, we are approaching Christmas, which is the busiest time of the year in our business.

We have been told by our managers that comes January things will slow down. So i am trying to work as many hours as i can or should i say my body can, so i don't have to worry in January, and since i want to move back to LA, i also wanna save as much as i can as fast as i can.

So there you have it, i haven't been ignoring you, i've just been working a lot. I hope you all accept my apologies.

xoxo
Loma

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY... TO ME

2009-10-08T12:53:00.000-07:00

So on Wednesday 7 October i celebrated my first year in London. But it wasn't really what i can call a celebration. I have been sick half of the time i've been here, terribly miss LA, can't seems to find the job that i want, and just being simply miserable.

And to make matters worse my friend Lucy's loser husband just told me that i have to move out. Now don't get me wrong i didn't think i will be staying here forever or do i want that. But what hurt is that if my friend wants me to move out, because she wants her mother to move in , she should have just told me herself. And that loser of husband of her had the nerves to tell me not to say anything to my friend's twelve years old daughter. I know he is a professional liar but i am not, so when the daughter asks me why i am moving i will simply tell her the truth. There is nothing wrong with that.

I just wondering why she couldn't just come to me i told me that she needs the room for her mother. Why wasn't she say anything to me? Either she didn't mention anything to him and he just made it up or she is extremely coward.

I don't remember my friend being a coward, i know her to be a strong woman. But lately i have come to wonder. Why is she still with this man, and why is she allowed him to treat her the way he does. Is it the fear of being alone? I have always said that i rather be alone than in bad company and some people think that i am vain, but i am sorry i prefer no relationship at all than a bad one.
And what make me laugh (or angry it depends how you wanna see it) is the past month, she's been telling me that she had enough of him, she wants him to move out. And he got so used to the luxurious life (he so afraid of going back to what he used to be and have, meaning nothing) than he turned around and make up a story about my Lucy's friends talking behind her back, which is absolutely a bunch of rubbish.

I find it funny that few days after he got drunk (again) and told Lucy's daughter (who is 12) than he doesn't have any friend, and that a 12 year old is his only friend, he came up with this story.
Lucy's friends do not talk behind her back. And if they do they are probably scratching their heads and asking themselves the same questions i do.

But my opinion is he is trying to separate Lucy from her friends, he is trying to isolate her. He is lonely and miserable and he wants her lonely and miserable that way she is stock with him. And since he knows she wants him out what better things to do that to make up stories, so he will look credible.

Anyway that one year experience in London, well actually there is more but i am not going to bore you with my miseries.

Loma

HAVE A NICE WEEKEND YA'LL!

2009-09-25T16:21:00.001-07:00

xoxo
Loma

BIG BEN BURGER

2009-09-23T10:15:00.001-07:00

So few days ago before going to work i decided to stop and grab me something to eat. I didn't really know what to eat so i went to one of those expensive (you know where the burger costs £7 and it doesn't come with fries or drink) burger chain we have in London.

I got in and ordered their Big Ben Burger. For some reasons the moment i order that burger i regretted it. Even the waiter told me not to order fries because the burger was enough. And sure enough when that burger came, it was the biggest thing i've ever seen. When i saw it, i felt embarrassed and disgusted. Thank God the restaurant was empty.

I forced myself to eat it because i paid for it. But it was so big i didn't know how to hold it, it was so big i didn't actually enjoy it, i was too busy fighting with it.
After i finished eating half of it, because no human being could possibly eat all that, i promised myself not to go near a burger anytime soon.

Sorry i do not have a picture of Big Ben Burger to show you, but to be honest, i wouldn't want you to see, i don't want to be called a pig.

xoxo
Loma

HI YA'LL

2009-09-18T18:37:00.001-07:00

Just wanted to let you know that i am still here. I have been working quite a lot, although my salary doesn't really reflect my hard work, but like i said before it's better that staying home and plus i am having quite a good time over there. It's not the job itself but the staff that makes it worth being there.

We have our weekly night out. Everyone is really friendly (well...at least most of them are) when the general manager is not around. She is (the general manager) quite though. Some accuse her of being more interested in numbers that the staff. We do our job when she is around, but everyone is extremely stressed as well.
It's probably one of the reason the managers are so comprehensive. I think they are trying to make up for her lack of people skills.

And i found myself having a crush on one of the managers. You know what i hate about having a crush on someone you work with (especially if that someone is your boss) is that you get to see that person EVERY DAY.
It brings out the teenager in me. I don't like the way i act, the thirteen year old girl (i am almost THIRTY for god's sake) in me comes out again.
I giggle every time i see him, even my co-workers have noticed. I can't seem to give him a straight answer when he asks me a question and you know what, that's really embarrassing. I HATE IT!
Don't get me wrong he is handsome (in that manly European way) but he's not worth me turning into an idiot, no man at that matter. No way Jose!

HAVE A LOVELY WEEKEND EVERYONE!

Bisous
Loma

Farewell To The First Black Supermodel

2009-09-02T03:59:00.000-07:00

Naomi Sims, the world's first black Supermodel, businesswoman and author died Saturday 1 August 2009, after a long battle with cancer. She was 61.

It's been a a month since i have heard of the death of Naomi Sims and i wanted to write a piece about it. But i keep pushing it back and in some ways ways i treated her death like most media did. I just pretended it wasn't important.
But she was important. She may have not had the best selling album of all time like Michael Jackson or a hairstyle that was emulated by millions of young girls, but she wasn't any less iconic (at least for the million of blacks girls growing up in 60's ad 70's).

She ruled the fashion industry for years, appearing on the covers of some of the most popular magazines in the late 1960's and mid 1970's. She was sought after by industry brightest designers and fame designer Halston once said "Naomi was the first. She was a great ambassador for all black people. she broke down the social barriers."

Never before her, a dark skinned model received so much exposure. Her road to success wasn't easy. And though she was in the modeling business for years, her career only took off when she signed with Wilhelmina Agency (started by late model Wilhelmina Cooper).

To me she was great beauty. I just love looking at pictures of her, and extremely envious of her dark skin. When i first heard of her and saw pictures of her dark skin, it felt good. I knew then that "black was really beautiful". Not every black woman has to look like Tyra Banks. A dark skinned black women was a pioneer in the modeling industry, i felt extremely proud.

She was a pioneer yet the media treated her death like she was a nobody (i guess they were too busy talking about those reality show whores) than to talk about the woman who opened the door for so many black models.
Other than Naomi Campbell who release a statement, i did not hear from any other black model. Yet without Naomi Sims, some of those models wouldn't have had a career.

I know this piece is coming late but thank you Naomi Sims and rest in peace.

Naomi Sims
March 30, 1948 - August 1, 2009

NOTTING HILL CARNIVAL

2009-08-30T15:31:00.000-07:00

Ever since i've been coming to London i've always wanted to go to the Notting Hill Carnival, but i always missed it. I heard it's one of the biggest street party in the world. So this year, i decided that whatever happened i will make it to the carnival.

Sunday morning, my friend Lucy, her husband, the children and i jumped in the car (the tube wasn't an option) and headed to the carnival. We parked the car half way and walked to the carnival.
IT WAS AMAZING! One of the happiest and loudest place i ever seen. The music, the costumes, the food, everything was just happy happy,happy, party, party, party.

But then i learned that Sunday was the children carnival and that the big one will be on Monday.
I am disappointed that i was going to miss the big one (which apparently is unbelievable) because of work, but at least i've managed to attend one of the event.

So i am happy. So far i made it to the London Gay Parade and the Notting Hill Carnival. If anyone knows of the next big street event in London... please let me know. I wanna be there!

2009-08-25T18:15:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to apologize to all my followers for not posting for so long. I did not know when i took the job that the hours were going to be so horrendous. The job itself is not difficult although i had a quiz today to test my knowledge of the restaurant and its staff and that was easy, because i failed. Who gives a test to someone two weeks after that person starts a new job?

Anyway i literally do not have time to do anything. I go to work at 4 or 5 o'clock in the afternoon (it depends on the day, but rarely in the morning) and some time i do double shifts from 9 am til 12 am. By the time i come home at 12 am or 1 am, i only think about one thing, go to bed. I even took the bad habit of not brushing my teeth before bed, too tired for that.

The restaurant business has horrible hours and they can a toll on your life. I have only been doing this for two weeks but i have heard of what these hours do on people lives. It's probably the reason why so many people quit the business. The mornings just pass by so fast that before you realize it, it time to take a shower and go back to work.

Before i go to work i try to do things at home, help clean the house, run errands. I force myself to do things, i don't want this job to take over me.

So i promise i will be posting more often, at least i will try.

Loma

NOTTING HILL

2009-08-13T16:19:00.000-07:00

So last Thursday i had a staff meeting at my new job and just when i was about to leave the house my manager called me and told me that the meeting has been cancelled.

Just as i was hanging up the phone i could hear my friend Lucy and her husband having their daily fight, this time over cigarettes. I didn't really want to witness another argument. Then i remembered that i wanted to go to Portobello market. So i grabbed my bag and before i knew it i was out the house.

When i arrived in Notting Hill and found out that the market was on Saturdays only. Oh well bugger! I then decided to take a walk around Notting Hill and see what all the fuss is about.

And OMG, I FREAKING LOVE NOTTING HILL! i could not believe it. It was not just was i was expecting it was beyond that. I visited Notting Hill when i was in junior high but i didn't remember it at all.
I love everything about that part of London. The houses, the streets, the trees, even the trees!

I just stood there looking at those townhouses (i don't know if you call them townhouse in London), i picture myself living there, with my partner or husband, with our two kids, (like a lot of women now days i want twins but since i don't any control over that, i'll take whatever comes) and our Range Rover park in the street, they seem to like those in NH.

I JUST LOVE NH, I WANNA LIVE THERE. Now i have to find a way to make a lot of money so i can afford one of those townhouses.

I left NH and ending in Holland Park again another beautiful part of London and just like NH, looks quite expensive. But then something caught my eyes.

The flag of Cameroon, and as i got closer there is a sign that reads High Commission for the People of Cameroon. Now let me give you my background. I was born i Cameroon and when i was a kid my family moved to France, or should i say my mother moved us to France. I love my native country, but i couldn't help but wonder why Cameroon needs a High Commission and why it has to be located not only in one of the most expensive cities in the world but in one the most expensive part of that city.
It got me really angry to think of all the money the government of Cameroon is wasting here while kid in over there do not have books or even chairs sometimes at school.

But i didn't let that spoil my afternoon. I carried on with my discovery of Holland Park. But By the time i arrived at the Japanese Garden, i have been walking for three hours in my really cheap House of Primage (also know as Primark) flats, my feet are just killing me and i am starving.
I quickly went through the Kyoto Garden, but i can't do it anymore, i am tired and i need food. I decided to do the Japanese Garden another day.

I got home all excited about my afternoon ready to tell everything to my friends. I found my friend Lucy and a friend of hers in the kitchen drinking. I told them all about my adventure and how i loved it.
Their reactions wasn't really what i was expecting. They gave me the most negative reviews of NH, told me that the saddest part of their lives is when they lived in NH (funny, i just finished reading a book called "Who is that girl?" by Alexandra Potter and one of the things she regrets not doing is buying a flat in NH before the movie came out and the real estate market went up), And these two are telling me is not a great place to live).
Lucy and her friend are in their forties and probably lived in NH when they were in their twenties, i am sure NH was different back then and i am sure they were too stoned to even notice anything pretty about NH. But i doubt all the celebrities who paid million of pounds for their houses would have done so if it was a dangerous place. Nice try Lucy and her friend, try to crush my dream.

BUT I DON'T CARE, I WILL LIVE IN ONE OF THOSE TOWNHOUSES IN NOTTIN HILL WITH MY TWO CHILDREN AND HUSBAND OR PARTNER , AND OUR CAR WILL BE A RANGE ROVER, END OF.

THANK YOU

2009-08-11T05:55:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to thank you all for supported me ever since i started this blog. I do not know any of you, but you have been more encouraging that most people i know. I will probably never meet you, but i am happy that i made some friends in this universe called the blog universe.

Yesterday was my first day at work and i must say at the end of my shift i wanted to quit. I didn't like it at all. But then i went home and i thought, if i am going to be here, i might as well make it work, like i say you never know what's going to happen. So i went it today with the most positive attitude i never had. And everything went smoothly, i enjoyed the day and the manager let us go half an hour earlier.

I am sure there are going to be plenty of days like yesterday, but it is my other job to find a way to survive them, to find a way to fight them. I seriously do not want to put my feet in a jobcenter ever again.

Loma

I GOT THE JOB!!!

2009-08-07T14:53:00.000-07:00

You cannot believe how happy and relieve i am, for all the reasons i mentioned yesterday. Like i said, it's not the dream job (the one that will pay for my Bentley) but it's a job. I will be getting out more and meeting new people. I am going to have money in my bank account and be able to help (and even treat once in a while) my dear friend Lucy and her lovely family. Who knows some super movie producer might stop by one day (or someone working in the movie industry), we never know what's going to happen.

So thank you all for your kind support.

Have a lovely weekend everyone.

Loma

POTENTIAL JOB

2009-08-06T16:37:00.000-07:00

For those of you who have been reading my blog, you know i have been looking for a job for the past eight months. I studied Television Production in Los Angeles and i thought after graduating i will have my super Hollywood producer job, well i quickly found out that it doesn't really work like that.
Anyway i decided to move to London thinking that i will be luckier here, yeah right! I have not had one job interview in the production field since i've been here. And every time i talked to someone i've got the same thing, no one is hiring right now in London.
So for now i am just going to put my dream of being a big time Hollywood producer (driving my convertible Bentley down sunset Blvd) on hold. Not giving up just yet, but let's face it i cannot be picky right now. I NEED A JOB AND MONEY BADLY.

My friend Lucy (the one with the loser husband) has been kind enough to let me stay with them. She has a lot of pressure on her right now since she is the only breadwinner of the house.
Few nights ago, she took me out for dinner. We went to this really popular Belgian restaurant in Coven Garden called Belgo (yep you got it, mussels and fries or moules and frites like we the French call it) were on the menu. So after diner i went to see the receptionist and asked her if they are hiring right now, and surprise surprise she told me that they are looking for a receptionist. So i took a application, filled out and returned it. I had my first interview today, it went pretty well, so i am going back tomorrow for a trial.

This is not the dream job but for now it will do. And plus the restaurant is located in the really hip and trendy neighborhood of Coven Garden, the staff seems nice and there are a lot of advantages working there.
I have been feeling really bad that i am not helping Lucy financially. And quite frankly i cannot put my feet in a jobcenter anymore.
So pray for me people (or whatever you do), i cause i need this job badly. I will let you know how things went down.

Loma

FREE AT LAST!

2009-08-05T12:15:00.000-07:00

I guess you have all heard by now that American journalists Laura Ling and Euna Lee return home with former president Bill Clinton who diplomatic efforts help free the two women.

But wait, some republicans are already criticizing the way the whole situation was handled. Apparently the US negotiated with terrorists. What negotiations really went on? Negotiations involve give and take. Last time i check the US didn't give North Korea anything but got their citizens back. I don't think the U.S. compromised or negotiated with North Korea in any way.

This is the second time American hostages are freed and home safe without anyone getting killed under the Obama's administration. But i guess instead of engaging in diplomacy and rational conflict resolution, the US should have just invaded North Korea or Somalia (YOU KNOW LIKE GEORGE W DID) and started yet another ill-conceived, poorly planned, costly, immoral war resulting in the deaths of thousands. That's how you deal with a situation like this.
Obama and his administration can't do anything right, at least for the right wingers, and oh yes the birthers.

But i am quite sure the families of these women are happy with the way the US president dealt with this whole mess. Their wives, sisters, mothers, daughters -Laura Ling and Euna Lee- are home and safe tonight. So thank you Mr President, you and your DAMN diplomacy.

Loma

THE ISSUE ON MY SKIN: BANK BONUSES

2009-08-03T11:57:00.000-07:00

Why banks are still giving BONUSES to CEO and others employees despite the facts those people are the reason why we are in this global financial crisis?
Now don't get me wrong. I do not mind people being rewarded when they succeed, but being giving bonuses when they fail it's beyond comprehension.

I have not worked in eight months now. And for the past two months i have been receiving help from the government and that just kills me. I feel like a thief, i am taking someone else money.
The fact that those bankers do not feel the same, it's unbelievable. Do they really think they deserve what they are getting? And why our governments are allowing this to continue?
They promised when they signed the checks to bail the banks out they will be careful, they will regulate the system, yet nothing (or little) has been done.
The banks do not seem to worry that they are wasting the taxpayers money. No guilt whatsoever.

I am by no means an expert on the subject, but these are just my thoughts.

Loma

THANK YOU ALL

2009-08-01T05:46:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to thank you all for dropping by my blog and for all your support.
Have a great weekend ya'll!
Loma

HELP

2009-07-27T16:21:00.000-07:00

I wanted to take time to thank you all for your kind messages and support. I have been blogging about the difficulties of finding a job in this climate. Some of you have suggested me to find something i am passionate and pursuit it, create my own opportunities.

Well i am passionate about movies. I studied production in Los Angeles and done some production work as well. But time are hard (especially in London) and only few production companies are hiring.

I though since i am not getting any job offers, i might as well create my own. I have always wanted to start a website about movies (i can't give all the details...for now at least) but unfortunately i do not know how to build a website.
i tried those how to built a website tutorials and i have not been successful. So people i need your help. The problem is that i do not have money to hire a professional.

So if any of you know someone (who knows someone who knows someone) who can help me or just give few tips i will really appreciate that.

Thank you again for your support.

LOVE IS BLIND

2009-07-17T03:48:00.000-07:00

My friend (let's call her Lucy) and her husband (Let's call him John) had one of their famous arguments last night. Basically the reason of their fights is always the same HIS DRINKING. The man is an alcoholic and when he drinks we know we are going to be treated to a fight (nothing physical, it's all verbally but it can be bad). But some how this time i ended up being dragged into it.

So let me give a little background history on these two and how i ended living with them (for now). Two and a half years ago Lucy was pregnant and was looking for a nanny. We were introduced by a mutual friend and i ended up working for Lucy. Lucy is a lovely, hardworking, strong woman and very generous. She will not hesitate to help someone if she can, even when she cannot she always trying to find a solution.
John her husband is a nice man. Not really educated and not as ambitious as she is. He is happy with what he has (which basically means he is happy being spoiled by his wife). As a matter of fact he seems to be very happy being in the background and letting her be the lead. She definitely wears the pants in this couple.

Last October i decided to move back to Europe, London to be precise. In February Lucy and her and family move back to London as well. They are originally form London, well he is American. Since i was not working when they moved back here, Lucy asked me to come stay with them until i found a job, in exchange i help with house work and some babysitting. I agreed to that and everything was fine or at least i thought it was.

I first found out that John did not like the idea of me living with them from Lucy twelve years Daughter. She told me that John complain to Lucy that i was not doing anything in the house. Lucy then told John that i was doing more than he does and that the children love me and if he was not happy he could leave.
I pretended it did not happened because i know it's not true. I have never been the kind of person who takes advantage (not like you John) of others. We have an agreement and i am doing ma part of the deal.

Last week John got fired from his job after calling his boss an Asshole. He was really proud of it, call your boss an asshole, get fired, spend the day drinking when you have children to feed and bills to pay (but wait he does not pay any), very well done.
Basically he wants is lazy ass to be home and as usual blame someone else for his failure. But when Lucy confronted John, all hell broke loose. He called his step-daughter (well he adopted her so she technically his daughter) a fat ass, called a Lucy so many names i can't list them. And i got accused of not doing anything (i think what he said was, what about that one who sits her big ass in her room all day and hasn't worked in nine months). First of all, my ass not that big. Second i sit in my room because it's the only place i can have a little bit of privacy. And Third i have not worked in seven months not nine.

Is this man thick or what? Dude you have a family to take care of, why are you comparing yourself to me? This is not my family, i do not have to feed them, but you do. It's almost like he is afraid i going to take his place, she is going to open her eyes and realize how useless he is and his privileged life will stop. John does not like to work but he likes nice things, but after using all his wife savings she got fed and now wants him to contribute towards the house like she does.
He does not take any responsibilities for any of his actions. It's always someone else fault. What kind of father get himself fired when he has a family to feed and brag about it? What kind of man drinks until 5 o'clock in the morning when he has to go to work the next day?

Basically John is a seventeen year old teenager in the body of a forty two year old man.

I remember they once saw a marriage counselor who told Lucy that the problems in her marriage where basically all her fault, which i think is a hundred per cent true. The moment a man starts calling a woman names, she should kick his ass out, and please don't tell me he is staying because of the children, because i doubt it's good for those children to witness the verbal abuse the way they do EVERY SINGLE WEEK.

Her family believes he wouldn't be with her if it wasn't for her money. Her twelve year daughter can't stand him, they are constantly fighting. But yet she still with him. It does matter how many times she says she wants him out after he comes home drunk, he still there. It doesn't matter how many times he calls her names (cunt, fat pig just to name few) she still takes him back.
I quite don't get my Lucy to be honest. She is so strong and independent but yet she is married to a loser, and yes i believe he is a loser.

I guess a really true what they say, love does really make some people blind.

LONELINESS

2009-07-13T16:31:00.000-07:00

Due to recession the economy is not the only thing that has suffered. My social life is completely dead. One of the hardest thing about being unemployed other than being broke, is being alone. Since i do not have a job, i do not go out (too afraid to spend the little money you have left on things i do not need), therefore i do not meet people or see new faces.

I have always been afraid of being alone. My ex boyfriend used to tell me that he loves being alone, i never got it. And now that i am in this situation i understand it even less. What's the point of it?

Like i said before London is an expensive city, and i don't care what people say you need money to live here or to have a social life. Now i could do one of the things some people have told me to do, which is go to a pub and have some drunk ass guy buy me a drink. The problem with that is i don't believe in fairy tales (i've never believed) and i know if a man buys you a drink he is expecting something in return. And i am not giving anything just because someone bought me a drink. My dignity is the only thing i sill have (well that and my health).
When someone tells me to go to a pub and flirt with guys just so i can get a drink (to be honest with you it feels like being a hooker) it's like telling me go stand on the Sunset Strip and do your thing, i don't see any difference.

So yes i am going to keep my dignity intact and just be bored... for now. Because i am one of those girls who do not need a man to buy them things. I like to buy my own.

TOO EXPENSIVE!!!

2009-07-06T15:31:00.000-07:00

So few weeks ago i went to a job interview and i was told i was OVERQUALIFIED for the job.
Last week i went to another one and i was told i was TOO EXPENSIVE!
Seriously what a girl got to do to find a job in London. What exactly they want me to do? Act dump and work for free?

I bet not even that will be enough. I just don't know what else to do or where else to turn. I know i sound repetitive but really i don't know what to do anymore. I don't even feel like trying anymore but i don't want people to think that i am a lazy person. I can't be everything (or almost everything) but lazy I AM NOT. I like my financial independence too much to be lazy, that's why i work.

But i just feel like England has gone backward, a country that used to be hailed for its intelligence and academic has now become a land of ignorants. A land where reality TV contestants are more worshipped than people coming out of OXFORD.
I can't tell you how fast i want to get the hell out of here, now i just have to figure out how to do it.

2009-06-26T17:14:00.000-07:00

RIP MICHAEL JACKSON

OVERQUALIFIED

2009-06-25T04:28:00.001-07:00

I had a job interview last week for a receptionist job where i was told i was overqualified for the position.
I didn't even know how to respond to that. What does that mean overqualified? And is there such a thing as being overqualified in this time of credit crunch?

If i was thought i was overqualified for the job i wouldn't have applied for it. If they thought i was overqualified for the job why did they want to see me? It just didn't make sense to me. It was a total waste of my time and theirs, i know i have plenty of time on my hands but that's not a reason to waste it.

Overqualified for a receptionist job, just tell me you don't wanna give me the job and we call it a day. I AM SO PISSED about this whole thing!!!

UPDATES

2009-06-25T04:15:00.000-07:00

So i have been trying keep up with the updates on my block. But it's not as easy as i thought, you have to constantly come up with something to write about. But I don't get to write about things cause i don't go out, and i don't go out cause i don't have a job therefore no money.

I know it's pathetic, i said it before i feel like a miserable failure.

THE JOYS OF NOT HAVING ANYTHING AT ALL

2009-06-11T03:58:00.000-07:00

So here i am again, giving writing a blog another try. I once did this but i wasn't really into it. But since i've moved to London, things have not worked out the way i pictured them. I needed to let things out so i decided to write again, it's the cheapest way i know, (a therapist will be too expensive and i am not sure it would be effective).

I still haven't found a job (it's been seven months now), do not have a boyfriend (not that i am really looking), i am absolutely broke (you know you are broke when a twelve year makes fun of you because she has more money in her bank account that you do) and to make matters worse i am turning 30 at the end of the year and i am freaking out.

I have this idea in my head of what my life would be at 30. Have my own business or at least a job that i really enjoy, have my own place, rental or own, house or apartment (doesn't really matter) as long as it my own last but not least a partner i care deeply about. But so far
i have nothing. Absolutely nothing, hence the title of my blog.

I wasn't expected thing to be easy in the Production industry in London, but man, things are dead here. Everyone i talked to tells me the same story: TV stations are cutting jobs and not ordering new programs and as far as movies go, well that almost mission impossible.

I have to stay positive (which is quite a difficult thing to do now days) but i have to. It's the only way i know i will survive.

So bare with me, i will be telling you what's happening in my life on the daily basis, or at least i will try.